Grief and Loss
Loss is something every person experiences at some point in life. It might be the death of someone you love, the end of a relationship or friendship, a major change at home, losing a sense of belonging, or another experience that changes your life in a significant way.
How Loss Can Impact You: Some losses affect us more deeply than others. As a college student, grief can feel especially disruptive. You may be trying to keep up with classes, work, relationships, and everyday responsibilities while also dealing with sadness, anger, loneliness, confusion, or fear. Here are some tips that may help:
There’s No “Right” Way to Grieve
Some people talk openly about their feelings, while others prefer to process things privately. You might want lots of support from friends and family, or you might need some time alone. Try not to compare your grief to someone else’s. What you’re experiencing is your own.
Give Yourself Time
There is no deadline for grief. You may feel better for a while and then have a difficult day, or even a difficult week. That doesn’t mean you’re going backward. Healing and adjusting to life after a significant loss takes time, and everyone’s timeline is different. You don’t have to “get over it” just because someone else thinks you should be feeling better.
Expect Grief to Come in Waves
Grief can be unpredictable. You might have a great day and suddenly feel overwhelmed by sadness the next morning. A song, photo, place, conversation, anniversary, or even a random thought can bring those feelings back. Sometimes you may cry and not immediately understand why. These waves are a normal part of grief. Over time, they often become less intense and happen less frequently, but they may continue to appear unexpectedly for a while.
Let Yourself Feel What You’re Feeling
As difficult as grief can be, trying to push it away or pretend you’re fine doesn’t necessarily make it disappear. Give yourself permission to acknowledge the sadness, anger, confusion, or sense of unfairness that can come with loss. Talking about your experience, writing about it, or reaching out for support can help you process what happened. You don't have to face every feeling all at once. The goal isn't to avoid grief, but to find healthy ways to move through it.
Know That Grief Doesn’t Follow a Simple Formula
You may have heard of the five stages of grief. These stages can be useful for understanding some common reactions to loss, but grief doesn't always happen in this order or even include every stage. You may move back and forth between feelings or experience several emotions at the same time.
Find a Way to Express What You’re Feeling
Sometimes it helps to create something that represents what you're experiencing. You can try:
- Write a poem or letter
- Create a photo album or playlist
- Visit a meaningful place
- Take flowers somewhere special
- Create a memorial
- Do something in honor of the person or relationship you lost
Stay Connected to People Who Know You
When you're grieving, it can be tempting to isolate yourself, but sometimes simply being around people who care about you can help you feel less alone. Spend time with longtime friends, family members, mentors, or other people you trust. Talk about the person or loss you've experienced, if you want to. Share memories. Let people know when you need company and when you need space.
Make Room for Something New
When you're ready, try something new. Take a class just because you're interested in it. Learn a skill. Try a new hobby. Join a student organization. Meet new people. Explore something you've always wanted to do. You might discover interests or strengths you didn't know you had.
Reconnect With What Gives You Purpose & Meaning
Grief can make the world feel uncertain or disconnected. Finding ways to reconnect with your sense of meaning, purpose, or spirituality can be comforting. For some people, that might mean attending a religious service or spiritual gathering. For others, it could mean spending time in nature, reading something inspirational, meditating, attending a support group, or simply spending quiet time reflecting.
Be Patient With Yourself
Grief isn't something you have to “do perfectly.” Some days may feel manageable, while others may feel incredibly difficult. That's okay. Take things one day—or even one moment—at a time. Stay connected to people who care about you, give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling, and look for healthy ways to care for yourself.
Remember: Asking for help is part of taking care of yourself.
If grief is making it difficult to function, keep up with school, sleep, eat, connect with others, or manage day-to-day life, consider reaching out to a campus counselor, trusted professor, advisor, friend, family member, or other support professional. You don't have to go through grief alone.
SLU Counseling Center: 315-229-5392
SLU 24/7 Crisis & Counseling Line: 315-229-1914