Abuser will say jealousy is a sign of love
Abuser might try to govern where you go, who you go with, what you wear, etc.
Abuser comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by
anyone." Pressures you for an exclusive commitment almost immediately
Abuser expects partner to meet all of his needs, to know what those
needs are without discussing them, to predict his needs before he has
An abuser will try to cut you off from all resources, friends, and family
Blames Others for Problems
Abusers confront problems with statements such as, "You made me mad."
Abusers are famous for making mountains out of molehills. For instance,
he might say that forgetting to call him means you hate him or that you
were trying to hurt him.
Non-consensual Use of Force in Sex
Without your consent, he may throw you down or hold you down during sex
Abuser degrades the other person, curses the other, diminishes or debases anything the other accomplishes or dreams
Rigid Gender Roles
Abuser expects the partner to exist for him, to fulfill traditional roles assigned to women: female/passive, male/dominant
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
One minute he's kind and the next he's exploding; he's charming in public and cruel at home
Abuser may say he has hit other women in the past, but assure you that they provoked him
Threats of Violence
Threats of physical force are often a precursor to future violence
Breaking or Striking Objects
Breaking or striking other things is often a precursor to coming violence
Any Force During an Argument
May involve an abuser holding his partner, physically restraining her from leaving the room, any pushing, shoving, etc.