Chinasa Iseogu '05 majored in English and works for the New York State Assembly as a committee assistant to the standing Committee on Health. She was active in many campus organizations, include our student newspaper. “There is no best college—just the best one for each student.”

And Now For a Few Words for the Parents…
By Chinasa Izeogu ’05

The time has come for the student to fly the coop; what are parents supposed to do now?

Some parents see their role as supporting their student in whatever he or she decides and assisting only to fill out financial aid forms.  Others take a more managerial position, keeping deadlines straight and required materials updated to help their busy seniors.  While the level of involvement is important, it’s just part of the story.  Parents typically have a role to play in three areas:

The Process
According to Terry Cowdrey, former vice president and dean of admissions and financial aid at St. Lawrence, parents must realize that students go through the process at their own rates and won’t be like their classmates or even an older sibling.  Observing and listening to your student is the best way to know what she or he needs in regards to information, direction and help, Cowdrey says

Cindi Kunkel, parent of William Kunkel ’07 and a college counselor, states that the most important thing parents must realize is that students often think they know what they want, but sometimes they don’t.  “You have to watch for cues,” she says.  One student she was helping said he wanted to go to the biggest school he could find.  When she asked him if 34,000 students was what he had in mind, he said no immediately.  He just wanted a school bigger than his high school of 400, meaning he wanted a small school and was comfortable applying to colleges with 2,000 to 3,000 students.

The Search
In the beginning of the search, parents should encourage their student to visit a variety of campuses so that he or she understands the general differences between institutions, taking into account such details as size, location, type (e.g. liberal arts or technical) and program emphases.

“Listen to their talents and observe their gifts,” Kunkel says.  “Help them think outside the box in terms of location.” Parents can suggest schools to consider but must also be prepared to defend them; they must also be prepared to explain rationally why they may not favor a particular college. Parents should ask the questions their students might not consider: how safe is the campus?  Does the local community get along with the college students?  How does the health facility function?  How do academic advising and tutoring programs operate?

The key is to keep an open mind. As Cowdrey says, “There is no best college—just the best one for each student.”

The Applications
The parents, the student, and the counselor must agree upon which schools are to receive applications. The student must lead the process, with gentle guidance from the parents.
“Allow children to take ownership of application and the process,” Kunkel says.  She also encourages parents to sit with students while they fill the application out—but don’t do it for them.  The students must demonstrate their own merits, especially through the personal essay.  This section shows the essence of the student, and admissions officials know immediately when the heart in the paper isn’t the student’s.

Another housekeeping step is to make sure that your student has set up his or her own e-mail account.  Parents can include their own just as a back-up precaution.

There’s no denying that a lot of this is difficult.  “Celebrate the victories,” Cowdrey says. “Dismiss the defeats.”