Lindsey Wetmiller, from Shelburne, Vt., is a government major and a student delegate to the Alumni Council.  She has been a member of the Thelomathesian Society (student government) and of SLU Republicans. “My family was continually amazed by what one semester on the St. Lawrence campus did for me. They were intrigued by stories about new people I had met, the interesting stuff I had been studying and my ability to make more mature observations about the world around me.”

Surviving College Breaks
How can parents and college students work together to enjoy instead of dread time spent at home over college breaks?

I'm a college senior about to head home for Winter Break for the last time. This “last" has me thinking about my “first.” I look back to my freshman year of college, I remember how luxurious a sandal-free shower felt, how happy I was doing my laundry whenever I wanted, and of course how much I loved my mother's lasagna. I also remember bursting into tears when I saw that my mother had stored some boxes on my neat, pristine bed. Was she trying to phase me out of the family?

For college freshman and their parents, the first break is challenging. The routine we develop over 18 years has been broken, and even more challenging, the values systems we shared are not necessarily intact. That's a good thing. College is supposed to help students become adults who are capable of making their own decisions.

I remember that I had experienced a very transformative first few weeks at St. Lawrence University in 2003 and the Lindsey who came home for that initial Winter Break was not the Lindsey who was tearfully deposited into her freshman dorm back in August. I still held fast to many of my core values; however I had begun to glimpse life outside of my womb-like home. I was increasingly inquisitive when it came to learning about values different from those imparted to me during my upbringing. I was meeting people from all over the world, people who owned two homes and people whose families struggled to afford a family dinner at a restaurant, people who already were campaigning for President Bush's reelection and people who believed that bumper sticker about a village in Texas losing an idiot. I'd sought out independence and freedom to make my own choices and was constantly reevaluating how I was fitting into the social network of my new environment.

Then I came home. As terrific as it was to finally be in my cozy home with a family whom I had missed terribly since orientation, it was at times very difficult to reconcile the changes in my world that were packed in my suitcase along with homework and laundry.

How have we survived these long breaks between semesters? In our house, it is all about communication and compromise. There were clear mutual expectations that the new realities of our family situation would be honored. I recognized that my parents recently made an absolutely enormous investment, emotionally and financially, into my future, not to mention the commitment that they made to parenting over the past 18 years. I was grateful. Contrary to how I may have felt during high school, I did not feel inclined to defy my parents. My parents seemed to recognize that this investment that they recently made was inevitably rocking my world. They seemed to understand that they might not like everything about the newer Lindsey, but they accepted that the newer Lindsey was more than a person with superfluous dirty laundry and a big appetite for lasagna.

My family was continually amazed by what one semester on the St. Lawrence campus did for me. They were intrigued by stories about new people I had met, the interesting stuff I had been studying and my ability to make more mature observations about the world around me. They accepted that I had changed and that home had not. In fact, I too accepted the fact that I had changed and home had not. One time in particular, my parents and I arranged to wake up early and go to the local coffee shop to catch up.  Still exhausted from a week of finals, I proceeded to turn off the alarm clock and sleep well beyond the time we had allotted for our coffee date.  Of course this did not go over very well with parents who operate under a strict wake up time of about 6am.  This incident morphed into a major argument that consisted of my parents informing me that I am not going to “sleep away” break and me asking why we couldn’t have made a lunch date instead of a coffee date.  We finally stopped and looked at each other and just laughed at the absurdity of the situation.  Why? I was home with people who loved me and they finally had their daughter back. Here's our bottom line: we enjoyed time shared during college breaks and refrained from spending them engulfed in causeless bickering. We learned to compromise.  And agreed to do brunch next time.

I can't wait to go home for my “last” winter break and if my parents thought that the difference they saw in me was significant during my first break, they are sure in for a treat during my series of “last” breaks. I'm already beginning my post-graduation job search and seeing that my life as an independent, self-sufficient adult is on the horizon. That, and my assurance that I'll always love their lasagna, should make for a great last break with my parents!